The Growing Table: January 2012

On Christmas Eve we got a call that made us jump with joy. A birth mom had chosen our family to raise her baby boy! We rejoiced and made plans to travel to meet her. We found out that our son's due date was uncertain. It could be that day or it could be in a few weeks. One way or another he was coming quickly! He and our baby girl would only be 2-3 months apart. Two baby blessings!

We had two different meetings with our birth mom. She is beautiful, strong and brave. We connected with her immediately. We were excited that she wanted to remain in contact with the little man. At one of our meetings she gave me sonogram pictures. What a precious gift! The sonogram tech told her that he has lots of hair. You can actually see it in the sonogram pic!

Here is an email I sent during the weeks of waiting...

We are busy preparing for baby C's arrival. I have attached a couple pictures of "his and her" items I have purchased for my two babies. :)

I started out this process feeling afraid to do much preparing for our little man. As the weeks go on, we have decided to prepare and trust that all will work out. God will be here to comfort us if it does not. Our hearts are already in this thing. We can't pretend they are not.

A song that has really blessed me during this time is called "All of me" by Matt Hammitt. He wrote the song while his wife was pregnant with their son. They found out he had a major heart defect and would require surgery after birth. They knew that his chances of surviving were slim. (he did survive by the way)

The song has encouraged me to love with my whole heart. Baby C deserves to be loved in that way. It is important for our bonding once he gets here. Here are the words in case you are not familiar...

All of Me
by Matt Hammitt

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole
(Chorus)
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start
I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you
Chorus
Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
Chorus (X2)
It's where I'll start

My favorite line is "let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed". Love is risky but it is definitely worth it.

As we consider our own emotions they pale in comparison to what C's momma must be feeling. What a brave lady to carry him to term even when she feels that parenting him is not in the plan. The sacrifice she is making demands my respect in a big way. Our love for her grows as we have had the privilege to spend time with her. She will always be a part of our family. Adoption creates a complicated but beautiful family.

Thank you for praying with us and supporting us during this time!

We continued to prepare for baby C's arrival. We found just the right crib, bedding and dresser. EJ worked hard to repair the dresser and give it a once over. The only thing I had left to do in the nursery was paint C's walls green. What boy would want pink walls? No way!

We packed his bag for the hospital complete with a special coming home outfit Aunt Rock Star and I picked out for him. EJ and I had a hospital bag ready for us too. We had plans made for the cowboys so they would be taken care of when we got the call. Everything was in place!

Then we got the news...our birth mom has decided to parent sweet baby C.

The little man we have been falling in love with will not be our son.

So...I will pack up his coming home outfit and the sonogram pictures. I will return them to his Momma. I will write her a note to tell her that we love her. I will pray that God will give her everything she needs to raise Baby C and I know that he will.

I will cry and that's okay. I am a Momma. I was getting ready for another son and he is not coming home.

Wubba (age 4) said something so sweet this morning...
"Mom, when baby sister gets out of your tummy she is going to miss shes brother C."

I love it that God has given our children big hearts ready to welcome more brothers and sisters. He is so faithful to prepare our little men for the call he has given our family. He is so sweet to us.

We were obedient to his call on our lives. We would do it all over again. We can trust that God will bring home all our children in his time. We do not need to worry about that. He has it all under control.