You're gonna need me

My sister, Rockstar, is the ultimate mother. She was naturally an attachment parenting momma before we even knew what that meant. She is the kind of momma bear that a real momma bear would be afraid of. Do not mess with her. She tirelessly rocked, nursed and snuggled her sweet little blessings. 

Her road to motherhood wasn't always easy. Her babies came easily but between her babies she struggled mightily. She had severe endometriosis. The kind of endometriosis that would bring even the toughest woman to her knees. She dealt with so much pain through the years. She and her hubby were blessed with four precious little ones. After their fourth baby, RockStar had to have a hysterectomy. Honestly, she probably would have had a lot more squishy babies if her body would have cooperated.

The surgery was difficult for her. The emotions were raw. When she woke up from surgery, she looked at her husband and said, "No more babies." A harsh reality for this momma bear.

I knew it was going to be hard for her. I cried right along with her. The promise of a pain free life was the hope that she held on to during the whole experience. 

RockStar was scheduled for her hysterectomy on a Monday morning in June of 2013.

In June of 2013, I was one month into a relationship with D's birthmom, Hope. I knew we would be having baby D in September. We were so thrilled to be bringing a new baby into the family. 

The day before RockStar's surgery, I took a pregnancy test. IT WAS POSITIVE!!! Baby E was on board. 

It was terrible timing.

I wanted to tell my sister SO bad. 

Who in their right mind would drop that news on their sister as she is about to endure a hysterectomy?

Ummm...not this girl.

No Way.

My face was staying shut.

Monday morning rolled around and RockStar went through her surgery. I was planning to go see her the next day. That night, her hubby called me, "Can you come up here? She keeps asking for you."

He didn't have to ask me twice.

I came running. 

I brought her hubby some dinner and told him to take a break while I sat with her.

She was all hopped up on pain meds post surgery.

Truthfully, she is kind of a hoot when she is drugged.

She was the life of the party with her nurses. She had made friends with all of them, of course. 

When things got quiet and it was just us she looked at me and said, "I just feel like you're going to need me."

Then she closed her eyes and drifted off.

I just sat there questioning myself. Did I hear her right? How could she know? 

Then she rolled her head my way, opened those wild, drugged up eyes and said it again. This time more passionately.

"I just feel like you're gonna need me!" She said.

Again, she drifted back to sleep.

I just sat there.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs..."YOU HAVE NO IDEA! I AM GOING TO NEED YOU!!! I AM PREGNANT!!! HOW AM I GOING TO HAVE TWO BABIES 5 MONTHS APART???""

Instead, I patted her hand and kept my mouth shut for a month.

Her post surgery revelation could not have been more accurate.

I needed her.

(Rocking D with my foot while nursing E)

She came over regularly and allowed this tired momma a much needed break. She snuggled and rocked for hours. The babies both loved her but the littlest one, Baby E, developed a strong preference for his Auntie that remains today.

We have talked about that night in the hospital over the last couple of years. We both just love how the Lord gave us that moment.

I told her the other day just how right she was, I did need her.

She replied, "I remember it so clear. The whispering from God. Isn't he so gracious to have done that? To speak to me over the hurt. Blows my mind. The Lord knew how much I needed those babies. It was so healing for me to spend time with them."

I had never thought about it that way before. 

She needed those babies as much as I needed her.

Lord, thank you for giving my children all these beautiful Aunties. 

What a gift!

Little E turns 2!

In true 2 year old style, little E was very shy at his party. His Auntie tried to talk him into telling everyone that he is two. 

Brother tried to encourage him.

Daddy was busy recording the big occasion.

Present time!

There is that smile!

Dinosaur boots!

Dinosaur mittens!

Money from Great Papa and Nana!

Uh oh. Grumpy again for the photos mommy wants taken. Pop and Grammy try to cheer him up with some toys.

Papa and Grandma with the birthday boy.

Mommy and Daddy with our big birthday boy!

E, 

You are my baby. The youngest of 6...soon to be 7. Time is flying by. It is a joy to watch you grow and change. I am celebrating all of your big accomplishments but I am also savoring the sweet baby moments we still share. You run with the big kids but often want "uppy" for a snuggle. I am happy to oblige.

You have a the sweetest smile and a contagious giggle. You love to sing, dance and play. One of your favorite things to do is tromp around in other people's shoes. You wear them so proudly. Also, you have decided that wearing mittens most of the time is the coolest thing to do. I have to sweet talk you into taking them off so you can eat your meals. 

You still prefer your Auntie over me when she is around. You two have something special going on there. It is precious. When you were little bitty you would push your cousin off her lap in order to have her all to yourself. You haven't changed much. You still don't like to share her.

You got to do your "special day" with Papa and Grandma this year. They take each of you kids for a day of fun around your birthday. We were all nervous that you would cry and not want to leave Momma. Instead you marched out of here like a man on a mission. You loved your one on one time with them! What a blessing. 

You and D have so much fun together. I love it when you guys start playing chase. You squeal and run all around. It is so cute! You guys have such a unique relationship. You little "twins" bring great joy to my heart!

I love you little E. 

You are a gift to your Daddy and I.

Happy 2nd birthday!!!

Tiny Sleeping Babies

I have a bassinet and a baby swing I haven't been able to let go of. Through the years, I have moved it from place to place. Even when there was no baby coming (that I knew of) I held on to them. I loaned out the bassinet once for a nephew to use but that was as far as it went.

The cribs have come and gone. I haven't developed an emotional attachment to them like these two items.

Our swing was a gift from some precious friends before B was born. It was a time of pure joy as we anticipated the birth of our long awaited child. That swing has logged countless hours rocking our babies back and forth. 

The bassinet I purchased used. I can't even remember where I got it. It rolls just right and the little canopy is so cute. It is the perfect height to have next to the bed. How many times did I pull that little bassinet close to me in the middle of the night? How many times did I scoop up a tiny, crying baby to feed and comfort back to sleep?

I sort of have a request of the Lord. I don't want to know when it is all over. I don't want to know when the babies will stop coming.

I intend to go out in a blaze of glory! 

Squishy baby glory! 

No sadness that this is my last one.

Always a little glimmer of hope that perhaps another baby blessing will come my way.

It has to come to an end at some point. I know that. 

When it does, I hope it comes quietly. 

Followed by grandbabies preferably. 

I looked at the bassinet and swing again recently. They had been in storage at our old house. When they arrived here, the old familiar thoughts came to my mind...

"We must keep them. I will find a place to store them. After all, ALL of my babies have used them. How would I feel if I had another baby and he or she didn't get to use them. I would be so sad!"

Then a small, gentle voice said to me, "That is not true anymore. Not ALL your babies have used them. It is time to let them go."

Suddenly images of Mei Mei (our 3 year old daughter waiting for us in China) flooded my mind. She never slept there. It is not true anymore.

Just like that, I knew it was time.

I heard that a friend had started a ministry out of her home called, "The Refuge." She is taking in young ladies who are pregnant and have no where else to go. This kind of ministry is near and dear to my heart. I contacted her to see if she wanted my bassinet and swing. Her answer was, "Yes!"

I told her in a message that, "I have cried some tears over these items. All my babies have used them. I haven't been able to let go. Recently I felt a push to bless someone else with them. Now that Mei Mei is coming home I need to release them. Now not all my babies have used them."

She wrote back, "What a blessed treasure we are receiving! I know the very fabric is permeated with love. We will not take this precious gift for granted. I know it will bless many mamas and babies."

Just days after the bassinet and swing were settled into their new home, the mama living there gave birth to her son. He now takes up residence in the bassinet. She pulls him close in the middle of the night. Oh the joy I feel knowing that her tiny bundle of love is in that bassinet.

The Lord allowed me to meet her and her sweet baby just a few nights ago. He didn't have to arrange that but He did. It was the sweetest love note He could have possibly given me.

I don't know the rest of the story for me. Will there be more newborns? I have no idea. God knows my story. He already has it written. I am having a blast turning each new page.

The current chapter I am on is titled, "Mei Mei" and it is getting really good! I can only imagine what these pages will hold.