The Growing Table: You're gonna need me

My sister, Rockstar, is the ultimate mother. She was naturally an attachment parenting momma before we even knew what that meant. She is the kind of momma bear that a real momma bear would be afraid of. Do not mess with her. She tirelessly rocked, nursed and snuggled her sweet little blessings.

Her road to motherhood wasn't always easy. Her babies came easily but between her babies she struggled mightily. She had severe endometriosis. The kind of endometriosis that would bring even the toughest woman to her knees. She dealt with so much pain through the years. She and her hubby were blessed with four precious little ones. After their fourth baby, RockStar had to have a hysterectomy. Honestly, she probably would have had a lot more squishy babies if her body would have cooperated.

The surgery was difficult for her. The emotions were raw. When she woke up from surgery, she looked at her husband and said, "No more babies." A harsh reality for this momma bear.

I knew it was going to be hard for her. I cried right along with her. The promise of a pain free life was the hope that she held on to during the whole experience.

RockStar was scheduled for her hysterectomy on a Monday morning in June of 2013.

In June of 2013, I was one month into a relationship with D's birthmom, Hope. I knew we would be having baby D in September. We were so thrilled to be bringing a new baby into the family.

The day before RockStar's surgery, I took a pregnancy test. IT WAS POSITIVE!!! Baby E was on board.

It was terrible timing.

I wanted to tell my sister SO bad.

Who in their right mind would drop that news on their sister as she is about to endure a hysterectomy?

Ummm...not this girl.

No Way.

My face was staying shut.

Monday morning rolled around and RockStar went through her surgery. I was planning to go see her the next day. That night, her hubby called me, "Can you come up here? She keeps asking for you."

He didn't have to ask me twice.

I came running.

I brought her hubby some dinner and told him to take a break while I sat with her.

She was all hopped up on pain meds post surgery.

Truthfully, she is kind of a hoot when she is drugged.

She was the life of the party with her nurses. She had made friends with all of them, of course.

When things got quiet and it was just us she looked at me and said, "I just feel like you're going to need me."

Then she closed her eyes and drifted off.

I just sat there questioning myself. Did I hear her right? How could she know?

Then she rolled her head my way, opened those wild, drugged up eyes and said it again. This time more passionately.

"I just feel like you're gonna need me!" She said.

Again, she drifted back to sleep.

I just sat there.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs..."YOU HAVE NO IDEA! I AM GOING TO NEED YOU!!! I AM PREGNANT!!! HOW AM I GOING TO HAVE TWO BABIES 5 MONTHS APART???""

Instead, I patted her hand and kept my mouth shut for a month.

Her post surgery revelation could not have been more accurate.

I needed her.

(Rocking D with my foot while nursing E)

She came over regularly and allowed this tired momma a much needed break. She snuggled and rocked for hours. The babies both loved her but the littlest one, Baby E, developed a strong preference for his Auntie that remains today.

We have talked about that night in the hospital over the last couple of years. We both just love how the Lord gave us that moment.

I told her the other day just how right she was, I did need her.

She replied, "I remember it so clear. The whispering from God. Isn't he so gracious to have done that? To speak to me over the hurt. Blows my mind. The Lord knew how much I needed those babies. It was so healing for me to spend time with them."

I had never thought about it that way before.

She needed those babies as much as I needed her.